pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
