im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
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No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
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I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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