My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
