evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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