her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
3 2 1 whiskey
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
