Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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