Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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