Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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