so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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