I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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