im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
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I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
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I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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