so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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