I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
