somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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