i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Drunk is a universal language darling
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
