No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
