he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
