take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
