i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
