Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
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