Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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