I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
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Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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