if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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