is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
