Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
