I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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