You just made me feel so damn special
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
