her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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