Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
