she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
