I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
