Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
