his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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