U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
