We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize