Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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