Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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