Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
