why didn't you poke me back
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
