My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
