if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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