O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
