I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.