3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium