Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face