i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
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totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever