My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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