Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You made out with two different species that night
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
