I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
