The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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