All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
