I cut my penus on the lid.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
