I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
