Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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