fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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