I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
