it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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