When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
