you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
