dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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