The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
