So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
