sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
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She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
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Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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