Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
