home. puking in laundry basket.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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