If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
