Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
