it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
