My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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