I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
