So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
