He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
