May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you will always have a special place in my vag
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
