Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
