What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
