Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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