I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
